Everything ends, and Everything matters

"Everything matters not in spite of the end of you and all that you love, but because of it. Everything is all you’ve got—your wife’s lips, your daughter’s eyes, your brother’s heart, your father’s bones and your own grief—and after Everything is nothing. So you were wise to welcome Everything, the good and the bad alike, and cling to it all. Gather it in. Seek the meaning in sorrow and don’t ever ever turn away, not once, from here until the end. Because it is all the same, it is all unfathomable." --Everything Matters, by Ron Currie, Jr.

Year 2/Day 116

One of my friends recently had major surgery and is pretty limited in what she can do. I'm grateful that she let us make dinner for her and her family today. The fact that she accepted help made it so much easier to give it, and helping made us feel useful instead of helpless in the face of her hardship.

Year 2/Day 115

Last night was Tuesday grill. L and D have been hosting this all summer in their backyard after our tennis classes. We each bring whatever meat we want to grill and a dish to pass and a bottle of wine. There's always enough food and laughter to sustain us. At last week's grill, my friend M. was cleaning up in the kitchen and happened to look out on the patio, where the rest of us were still relaxing, and she had one of those poignant moments in which you realize that life is rich and full and beautiful. I don't think I can express that feeling any better than this passage from The Elegance of the Hedgehog. The narrator is talking about the ritual of having tea.

“. . .as we breathe in the fragrance of the tea, savor it, lower our cups, serve more, and sip again: every gesture has the bright aura of rebirth. At moments like this the web of life is revealed by the power of ritual, and each time we renew our ceremony, the pleasure will be all the greater. . .Moments like this act as magical interludes, placing our hearts at the edge of our souls: fleetingly, yet intensely, a fragment of eternity has come to enrich time. Elsewhere the world may be blustering or sleeping, wars are fought, people live and die, some nations disintegrate, while others are born, soon to be swallowed up in turn—and in all this sound and fury, amidst eruptions and undertows, while the world goes on its merry way, bursts into flames, tears itself apart and is reborn: human life continues to throb.”

Year 2/Day 114

M had her first experience baby sitting a toddler today. I'm grateful that the parents put their trust in her--I remember well how difficult that was when my own kids were toddlers--and that it went well.

Year 2/Day 113

Took M to camp today--one she's never been to before. She went solo. I'm grateful that even though she was nervous, she had a big smile on her face when we left. I'm sure it's the anticipation of spending 5 - 6 hours a day with horses that put the smile there.

Year 2/Day 112

Heavy rain here--as in we might need an ark to get outta here--but C is taking care of Duke, a friend's dog, and Duke still needed to go out one last time before settling in for the night. So my DH and C and his friend piled into the minivan armed with flashlights and cell phones. Much of the hood seemed to be without power, but not us yet. The streets were flooded up to the van doors all the way there, and this was right downtown Holland. Finally B found a bit of higher ground to park on and from there they walked through knee-deep water to get to Duke's house. Everything was fine there, except Duke (no dummy) refused to go out to do his business. I'm grateful the boys made it there and back, soaked but safe, and a little pleased with themselves about their adventure.

Year 2/Day Whatever

I fell off the gratitude wagon for a while. I'm grateful that over the weekend Peter asked about Daily Bread, thereby reminding me that I need to get back to it.

Year 2/Day 111

I'm grateful the tourists have left but the tulips remain in fine condition, thanks to cool weather.

Extra dose of gratitude

Tulips! My friend Mary has been snapping shots daily. See practically all of them without even leaving your computer: Check out her Flickr page!

Year 2/Day 110

It's Mother's Day, and it goes without saying that I'm grateful for my mom and the chance to spend some time with her and Dad today. What capped it off was good parking karma, not once, but twice--first at church, where I found a spot in the lot, and second at the Village, where I found a space right out in front of the building.

Year 2/Day 109

C's lacrosse team has a tournament this weekend three hours north. The two coaches, who are barely adults themselves, seemed to think they could manage all the players on their own, but my DH and I agreed it would be best for my DH to go along and look out for the youngest players, since 9th - 12th graders play on the team. I'm grateful he was willing to sacrifice his weekend to be the responsible adult.

Year 2/Day 108

Remember that scene from Trading Places--the one where Eddie Murphy is pretending to be a cripple and blind and then the police pick him up off his scooter and he says in fake surprise, "I can see! I have legs! Praise Jesus! Thank you, man!" Well, that's me, only I'm saying, "I can hear!" The hearing in my right ear is finally back to normal. I'm grateful for the full recovery--without having to take another trip to the doctor. And I have a whole new empathy and respect for anyone with severe hearing loss, especially B, who manages to be her cheerful self in spite of it. When I thought it might be permanent, I was sliding toward despair, so I don't know how she does it. She's just cool like that, I guess!

Year 2/Day 107

Tonight was our family's annual Tulip Time Junk Food Night, during which we get food from the vendors downtown--whatever we want, whatever our stomachs can stomach. I'm grateful I know my limits. C is still learning his; he just came down for some Pepto-Bismal.

Year 2/Day 106

I got home from the conference earlier than planned--and that was my DH's favorite part of the day, he told me later. I'm grateful he's still glad to see me unexpectedly.

Year 2/Day 105

I'm grateful for the time away to think about and work on my writing, and exceptionally grateful Hope made time to come, too.

Year 2/Day 104

Fireworks. With friends. After dinner and much laughter. With friends. Really good friends.

Year 2/Day 103

I haven't been able to hear out of my right ear for about 10 days. This is the same ear that my sister B can't hear out of, so I was worried that I was permanently losing my hearing. I'm grateful that it was just wax build-up. My ear is really tender from the doctor abusing it, and my hearing isn't back to full strength, but it's much better than it was.

Year 2/Day 102

Even though I hadn't used them in years, I knew exactly where the ear drops were--on my shelf. I remembered the bottle had a green cap. The bottle was where I thought, but it didn't contain drops for the year. It was a remedy for another kind of problem. I'm so grateful I checked the label. No telling what damage that stuff would have done to my ears.

Year 2/Day 101

M has been wanting to shave her legs all winter, and finally tonight I talked her through her first leg-shaving experience. It was bitter sweet. I'm amazed by the young woman she is becoming, but stunned, too, and keenly aware that we keep passing through stages we'll never be able to revisit. Maybe the reason I feel stunned is that you don't know ahead of time. You don't know, for example, that the last time your child holds your hand is the last time. C didn't announce it. It was simply that one day he held my hand and then he stopped. Will I ever fully accept that this rapid passing of time isn't the exception but the rule? Right, gratitude. I'm getting there. I'm grateful that M still lets me in, not on everything but on some things. And when she does, my heart swells and all's right with the world.

Year 2/Day 100

Whenever I really need to focus, I get out the serious tools--the big therapy ball, which I sit on, and the online egg timer Lois found. I'm grateful I know what works for me. I made great progress today.

On another note, coming home from the barn last night, M said, "TC has healed me," and then explained how he's basically a better fit for her than Rocco was. So, while I was sad to have to give up leasing Rocco, it now all seems for the best. I'm grateful M didn't give up on her riding, and that the barn experience is so much less stressful now.

Year 2/Day 99

It must run in the family: We don't much like to shop. (Except maybe my DH. He's the best shopper of the lot.) Anyway, today M and I met up with my old friend Diane and her daughter and we shopped. I'm grateful M found a dress that she loves and I like and that it was low stress and even fun, thanks to our friends. If only we'd found a dress for me. That's next on the list. . .

Year 2/Day 98

They've been planning it for weeks--M and Emma and Ian. Lily is--was, actually--Emma's cat. She died over the winter and Emma's mom kindly kept her in the freezer until the ground thawed and the kids could give her a proper funeral and burial. That's what they've been planning, and today was the day. At M's request, I baked bread and she made cookies. There was music, carefully chosen, and oral tributes to Lily ("She was a good cat"), who was lovingly laid out by Emma's dad in a wine crate. I'm grateful the kids know how to come together to mourn the death of a well-loved pet and celebrate her life.

Year 2/Day 97

I know facebook isn't for everyone but I've really been enjoying it, partly because people bring things to the table (as it were) that I wouldn't find on my own. A great example is this video of 200 people doing a choreographed dance to the Sound of Music posted by my friend Ann. I'm grateful because it brought four minutes of joy to my day.

Year 2/Day 96

Unemployment hit 13.4% in Michigan. I'm grateful my DH has a job and that I still have some work.

Year 2/Day 95

Okay, so I complained about this at first, but now I'm seeing it as something to be grateful for: Our school hosted a band banquet. The turnout was greater than expected so the logistics were dicey; there weren't enough chairs or even enough food, for that matter. Hence my complaining-that-bordered-on-whining. But I'm grateful that the kids wanted to attend and the parents are involved enough to bring them. It's good to be part of a thriving, vibrant school community. Plus, my DH was braving the cold rain at a lacrosse game--double header--and I was grateful just to be warm and dry!

Year 2/Day 94

Starting a novel is the worst. The characters seem flat and "tinny," the writing itself seems amateurish, and self-doubt is the order of the day, along with the question "why try?" But still I peck away at it, feeling mostly just masochistic. I'm grateful that today, I finally started to connect with my characters. And maybe what feels like masochism is actually being faithful to the call.

Year 2/Day 93

In preparation for the bridal shower for Katie, we had the tan rug in the living room cleaned. I'm grateful that today when Doggers had to throw up, she did it on a different rug.

Year 2/Day 92

I have a lot of spring cleaning to do; I'm grateful it was a cloudy, rainy morning because it made it easier to stay inside and clean. By the time the sun arrived at noon, I had made a big dent in my to-do list and felt just fine about taking doggers for a walk.

Year 2/Day 91

J. is a first-grader who I mentor through the Kids Hope program and who a few weeks ago lost his mother suddenly. We've only been together since October and hadn't really bonded. Today when I pulled out a book to read, I asked him if he wanted to sit in my lap, fully expecting he wouldn't. I'm grateful he did. He squirmed a little, like he was trying to figure out how we were supposed to fit together but eventually settled in and even figured out how to play with my hair while he listened.

Year 2/Day 90

My kids' school has something called a CUP INDEX, which suddenly today struck me as hilarious. I don't know how they can refer to it with a straight face, but apparently everyone does. Sorry to be ribald but really, what are we supposed to think it is? I'm grateful for the laugh.

(College/University/Professional Index is what the acronym stands for, and it probably works just fine for anyone who has never had a son who plays sports.)

Year 2/Day 89

While visiting our fair city, my DH's parents stayed in the retirement community they plan to move to soon. They had their unit all picked out and, because my own father sometimes comments that if he had it to do all over again he'd choose a larger apartment, I kept hoping my inlaws would upgrade to a larger model. As luck would have it, they stayed in a unit that's a replica of the one they had signed up for and realized it was a little cramped. I'm grateful they upgraded; I'm pretty sure they'll be happier as a result.

Also, both sets of parents had Easter dinner here. I'm grateful all four of our parents are relatively healthy and still don't mind hanging out with us. (It's really the grandkids they come to see, but I can live with that.)

Year 2/Day 88

While waiting for C to get done at the rink, I thought to turn on the radio. I'm grateful there was a rebroadcast of This American Life's "Mistakes Were Made" episode. Not a bad way to kill time some time.

Year 2/Day 87

While watching Marley and Me, C commented that he feels his dad has been around "a lot" during his growing up years, which made me think about how and why that has been possible. Certainly, we made some choices that helped, but part of it is where we live. Most people here make similar choices, living close to work and close to family, and often putting a priority on family time. When we moved to this town, I grew weary of hearing people say, "it's a great place to raise a family." But 16 years later, I have to concede they are right. I'm grateful I live in a place that aligns with our values.

Year 2/Day 86

Sunshine, old friends, a son and a daughter who are good sports, TWO new episodes of The Office! Ah, the simple pleasures in life--I'm grateful for them all.

Year 2/Day 85

One thing I've learned: A little structure is not a bad thing, especially when it comes in the middle of a completely unstructured week. I'm grateful my friend L held a block of time for parallel working (similar to parallel play, but in theory, we make money) today.

Year 2/Day 84

Spring break can be a long, drawn out affair since so many of our friends have fled to warmer climates, but today M found five friends who were still in town and they all went to the pool. C did, too. I'm grateful they could have a good time without the help of technology. (Well, M did use it to issue invitations but I'm down with that.)

Year 2/Day 83

Grateful the Wings won; looks like MSU won't. "No fun for Tom."

Year 2/Day 82

A few years ago, my friend M. made an incredible chicken noodle soup for us. I'm grateful she shared the recipe and that my DH was willing to deal with the big, fat, raw chicken today. Raw meat disgusts me, but that big fat chicken is what makes the soup good. Also thyme.

Year 2/Day 81

It was one of those days that didn't look like it was going to be busy, but then turned out to be--groceries, yard work, laundry, b-day shopping, cake-baking and decorating. I'm grateful I had the good sense to grab the dog and take her for a walk right after breakfast. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten one in. I'm also grateful we were finally able to celebrate B's birthday as a family. I think the birthday boy liked it!

Year 2/Day 80

I'm gladly throwing a shower for my nephew's future bride in a few weeks and today J said she'd buy the presents for the winners of the games and ship them. I'm grateful for her support from afar.

Year 2/Day 79

We thought C's lacrosse game was going to be right during dinner tonight, and were feeling a little disappointed since today is B's birthday. I'm grateful game time was at 5:00 instead. Yes, we ended up eating dinner very late, but we were still able to pull off cooking a nice meal together. Happy brithday, Bud!

Year 2/Day 78

The distributed team I've been a part of for the past three months gave its final presentation yesterday and today was our final conference call. I'm grateful to have been part of a team whose members liked and respected each other. We were able to play to our strengths and I think that was a big reason we were able to produce quality work together.

Year 2/Day 77

C has never been fond of Spanish class, but earlier this year, he started dreading it. When I walked by a young woman tutoring a girl in Spanish at the library, I took it as a sign. She and C have been working together ever since, in part to prepare for a speaking exam that he had to pass in order to pass the class. He took the exam on Saturday and today he found out he got the second-highest grade in the school. The highest grade went to a native Spanish speaker. I'm grateful for C's tutor, but mostly I'm grateful for C's effort and that he could see how it paid off.

Year 2/Day 76

Just as we were getting ready to have (leftover) birthday cake and give M her presents, B stopped by to get an earring of hers we found in the book she gave M for her birthday. I'm grateful she was able to stay for the celebration. It always feels like a party when B is around.

Year 2/Day 75

For his birthday, my DH wanted to go to an interactive event called "Awesome 80's Prom", where actors and the audience attend a "prom." The organizers encouraged dressing the part, but I don't own an old prom dress, so I decided to go with the preppy theme. I'm grateful for a terrific second-hand store in my town, where I found two Izod polo shirts--one pink and one green--for six bucks. We had a great time dancing to tunes that defined an era (even if they weren't exactly the definition of great music).

Year 2/Day 74

I knew the moment I pulled the door closed behind me: I had locked myself out. Bad timing, as I had seven 13-year-olds coming for a party after school and a list as long as Rapunzel's hair of things I had to do to prepare. I was on my way to breakfast with my sister, who was waiting for me in the driveway. I'm grateful she was willing to drive me to my DH's office, so I could retrieve his key.

Year 2/Day 73

How could I let another day go by without expressing gratitude--especially this day, M's 13th birthday? I'm grateful for the joy and light and sweetness she brings, day in and day out, even when she doesn't mean to. Even when she'd rather not. Because this I know: She loves us as we love her.

Year 2/Day 72

M is still sick--day four of what is likely to be seven, if the progression of C's flu bug is any indication. I feel bad for her but she's been a good sport. Today she snuggled under her down comforter on the couch, hoisted Harry Potter V onto her lap and said, "If you need me, I'll be in my book." I'm grateful she still loves to read.

Year 2/Day 71

We're waiting to officially celebrate my birthday until this weekend, so I'm particularly grateful for friends who remembered my birthday in small, personal ways today. My friend Lynn brought over dark chocolate and fresh raspberries--my favorite combination--and Ann and Jim made me fresh squeezed grapefruit juice for a middle of the afternoon pick-me-up that made me feel like I was in Florida for a nano-second. And I'm grateful for my sisters who apparently really have been listening as I natter on the phone: Thanks to them, I'm good on unmentionables for a while.

Year 2/Day 70

I was picking out some goodies for book club, which meets tonight, when L came in and said, "You were on my list of people to call today." She's the woman who gave my friends and I semi-private tennis lessons last spring, summer, and fall. During the winter, she teaches at a private indoor club--and why was I on her list of people to call? Because she had a few free passes she wanted to give me! So now I get to play some winter tennis for free! I'm grateful for little pleasures that pop up unexpectedly.

Year 2/Day 69

Monday is my day to tutor a first grader through the Kids Hope program. I've been doing this for three years now and enjoy it. But today M was sick and I wanted to be home with her, so I was grateful when the school told me the child I tutor was out sick and I shouldn't come in. Not that I want him to be sick, but it was nice to be able to snuggle with M on the couch and watch "The Office."

Year 2/Day 68

I'm grateful M. had a good time at her retreat, and she made it home safely, not to mention that she's "happy, happy, happy," which anyone would know by reading her Facebook.

Year 2/Day 67

I'm grateful for simple pleasures piled one upon the next today: Lunch with my sister to celebrate my birthday a little early, free dessert, a long power walk with a good friend in the sunshine, an intimate dinner for two right at our dining room table to celebrate Valentine's Day (with C, still sick, on the couch in the next room), a nice fire, and a big win by Michigan hockey, where someone we kind of know scored the winning goal. It was as perfect a day as is possible in the middle of winter. (Perfect days in the summer are another thing entirely.)

Year 2/Day 66

My DH ended up spending an extra night away on business: His flight was canceled due to weather. Neither of us was very happy about it but this morning, when I saw that a plane crashed in Buffalo last night killing 50 people, I was grateful. And now I'm grateful he's home.

Year 2/Day 65

I'm grateful for The Office. After three full days of being sick and still not feeling better, Clark needed a laugh, and so did I, so we settled in for some Netflix late in the afternoon and had a mini-marathon.

Year 2/Day 64

I took the Bad Puppy out to do her business tonight and all of a sudden a possum came out of nowhere and collided with the dog. Neither saw the other one coming and I quickly pulled the dog away from the possum, who went on her merry way. I'm grateful the dog didn't get bit and the possum didn't run into me.

Year 2/Day 63

The sun! Bright sun! Sixty degrees, warm, gusty wind, the smell of damp earth, everyone out and smiling, knowing this weather is a tease but also a reminder that spring really does come, even here in West Michigan. For all these things I'm grateful. Every now and then you really do get what you want, as well as what you need.

Year 2/Day 62

While playing in her first ever school basketball game, M got in there and mixed it up! She was nervous so I'm grateful she had a good time. (Also that C and I were able to find the school, which was way da heck out in the boonies a good hour north of here.)

Year 2/Day 61

Over the course of two nights we watched "American Beauty," a film that stays with me, in part because of Walter's gratitude in spite of everything. I'm grateful for this film, especially its final scene, in which Walter reviews his life and his death and comes to this conclusion:

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what’s happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much and my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

I don't feel like my life is stupid or little, but I do know what he means about trying to hold it all, and I'm working on letting it flowing through me like rain instead of trying to hold onto it.

Year 2/Day 60

Tonight we made this really good egg dish (M calls it "quiche pizza") which calls for some stove-top cooking in a frying pan followed by baking in the same pan. Everything was going just swell--the smell was mouth-watering, my DH pulled it out of the oven at just the right moment, and I plated it up for everyone--until I, thinking that surely my peeps would want seconds, grabbed the METAL handle of the frying pan and seared the flesh off two of my fingers. I swore. I cried. Then I went looking for ice, but the ice machine is broken, apparently. I'm grateful for bags of frozen vegetables and for Tylenol and for the chocolate chip cookies that M made to make me feel better. They did. Thanks, M!

Year 2/Day 59

On this family video night, I'm grateful for Get Smart--a movie none of us had seen before and all of us loved. Truly a rare find.

Year 2/Day 58

M's team's first basketball game at home was this afternoon. The team is so large that not every player plays every game and M didn't play, but it was exciting nonetheless to watch the River Rats thunder up and down the floor. I'm grateful that M can experience the joys, sorrows, and especially camraderie that come from playing on a team sport. (And I love it that at the end of their huddles, they all yell "GO RATS!" before heading back onto the court.)

Year 2/Day 57

When do the birds stop singing, exactly? October? November? I never notice that they have until I hear them start up again in the spring. I heard the first one this morning when I took the dog out. My spirits soared briefly before they froze mid-air; it was zero degrees. I'm grateful for the hope of spring the birdsong brought, especially since that dang groundhog let me down.

Year 2/Day 56

I'm researching a particular industry for a client and as part of that I've been trying for weeks to get an interview with one particular person. I'm grateful the guy finally granted me what proved to be an extremely useful interview.

Year 2/Day 55

It's been weeks since M has been out to the barn. TC, the horse she's riding now, is completely booked with lessons. A slot opened up over the weekend, but I was out of town and not checking email, so we missed that opportunity. I'm grateful that today the person who normally takes a lesson on TC cancelled and that M didn't have anything else going after school, miraculously. So to the barn we went and never have I seen such a smile on my girl. It warmed the cockles of my heart (but not the tips of my toes). Totally worth it.

Year 2/Day 54

Ode to Green Eggs and Ham

I did not like my peeps tonight
Everyone itching for a fight
I did not like them here or there
I did not like them anywhere.

I escaped into my book
Without a single backward look!

But I still love them in my house
Yes, I still love them with a mouse
I do so love them here and there
I do so love them everywhere.

I'm grateful for perspective. Middle age has its benefits.

Year 2/Day 53

This afternoon M and I sat on the couch with her horse magazines and compared favorites and dreamed dreams of owning horses and farms. I'm grateful for these interludes, however brief, in which she and I can connect.

Year 2/Day 52

This is M's first season of playing girls basketball and today we had a parents' meeting. I'm grateful she has caring, encouraging coaches and that she's having a good experience with the other girls. We can't wait to go to the games and cheer her team on!

Year 2/Day 51

It's something we do to get us through the winter, my friends from the 'hood and I. On Fridays, as we're able, we go to a matinee--"Rachel Getting Married" today. I'm grateful for the opportunity to slip into another world on a cold winter's day before the kids get out of school, before the house has to be cleaned and the week's menus planned.

Year 2/Day 50

I knew my cell was somewhere in the library--or at least it had been several hours before: I'd texted L from there to tell her where I'd be sitting. But when I reached into my backpack at lunch, it wasn't there, nor was it in any of my coat pockets. Sometime during the morning, I'd lost it. I stopped at the front desk on our way out of the building. "Did anyone turn in a cell phone?" I asked. The young woman's face lit up. "Yes!" she said. (She's a college student--one of those who feels others' pain when they lose an electronic appendage, e.g., a cell phone or an iPod.) I'm grateful that whoever found my phone turned it in.

And, in what turned out to be a "three-fer" day, I'm also grateful J and J added a dog to the family, and that M was online just when I needed her.

Year 2/Day 49

I'm grateful I can go to bed early tonight. I'm exhausted!

Year 2/Day 48

I'd been a supporter of Barack Obama since January 2007, when I read his book, Dreams from my Father, for book club. I held my breath through every primary and caucus that followed. And when I learned about the Republican VP nominee late last summer, I got off my butt and volunteered for the Obama campaign. Today it became official and I feel like I can finally exhale. I'm grateful for a new president who has made me believe in America again.

Year 2/Day 47

One of my happiest memories from childhood has to do with cold winter nights. My parents didn't heat our bedrooms back then (or ever, come to think of it), so it was mighty cold going to bed at night. Sometimes my mom would put my blanket in the dryer for a few minutes and wrap me up in it before sending me upstairs. Now on cold winter nights like tonight, I turn on a heating pad and slip it between my sheets so they can warm up while I get ready for bed. I'm grateful for my heating pad. The end effect is almost the same--the only thing missing is motherly love.

Year 2/Day 46

Today I learned that in the early 90s, in my church people representing opposite views about homosexuality in the church met regularly for a time of discernment. Their goal was not to change someone else's mind. Instead, their goal was to understand "the other side's" point of view well enough to articulate it. I'm grateful to be part of a community that is open, thoughtful, and willing to discuss tough issues.

Year 2/Day 45

To say I cleaned my house today would be overstating things by a good bit. But I cleaned parts of it and when I was finished with those parts, the difference was noticeable. I'm grateful for the satisfaction of a job well done.

Year 2/Day 44

Hockey players wear a lot of protective gear, but players still get hurt. Today a guy who used to play with C's team had a freak thing happen to him on the ice. He collided with another kid on the ice, that kid's fiberglass hockey stick broke and the sharp end ended up deep in C's former teammate's thigh. I'm grateful the stick miraculoulsy missed the bone and major arteries. He likely will be able to play again in just a couple of weeks.

Year 2/Day 43

I didn't know the gate was open when I let Maisy out in the back yard to do her business. I figured she'd be quick, since it's about 8 degrees here and the windchill is -100 (only a slight exaggeration). Heck, I didn't even know the Bad Puppy was missing! I was calling her name out the back door (you didn't think I'd actually go into the yard, did you?) when C took a phone call from a neighbor across the street who said they had Maisy. So Maisy had a short but big adventure and then M braved the cold to retrieve her. I'm grateful to have Doggers back--and that M went out into the tundra so I didn't have to. Thanks, M!

Year 2/Day 42

Statistics show that most boys stop reading for pleasure around age 14, especially fiction. This morning, like many mornings, C thudded into the kitchen with a novel tucked under his arm--not great literature (I think it's a James Patterson), but fiction, none-the-less. And not long ago he suggested I read Area 7, a military thriller. All of which is to say, he might not seek out fiction on his own, but if a novel appears in front of him (say, because of a mother who peruses library shelves for books he might like), he will likely as not pick it up and read it. I'm grateful that when it comes to reading for pleasure, my boy is not like most boys.

Year 2/Day 41

American Idol is a guilty pleasure, but it's also something the whole family enjoys, and these things are harder and harder to come by. I'm grateful for a new season--and for a new judge. Simon may have met his match!

Year 2/Day 40

I'm grateful for a clean Doggers. She was getting stiiiiiinky!

Year 2/Day 39

My DH has always been the good sleeper. In the morning, after the alarm goes off, he has no trouble slipping back into sleep. ("Someone has to keep the bed warm," he says.) I'm just the opposite. I wake and the details of the day rush into my head like water bursting through a dam and there's no holding the water back. But sometimes if I nestle into him like I did this morning, those waters will calm and I can sneak in a few more minutes not of sleep, but of peace. That's what I'm grateful for today.

Year 2/Day 38

C wasn't feeling well and he asked me if I would read to him. I was delighted, but could only do it for half an hour because B and I were going to some friends' house for dinner. "Would you like M to read to you now?" I asked. "That would be great," he moaned from under his blankets. M was surprised when I told her C would like it if she'd read, but also a little pleased, I think. As I passed by his bedroom now and again, getting ready to go, I saw M perched on the Equa chair HMI gave us when he was born, reading quietly as C lay listening in his blanket cocoon. I'm grateful my children are staying open to each other, caring for each other in their own ways.

Year 2/Day 37

I'm grateful L. was available to meet for lunch today at the very last minute. I had been missing her.

Year 2/Day 36

It's a hectic week. I'm grateful for an evening at home with no responsibilities.

Year 2/Day 35

It's a snowy, slippery evening and I'm tired from paying attention for eight hours straight (how do folks who work all day every day do it?!). I'm grateful that my DH took C to his hockey game tonight and I can just stay in, snuggle up under a blanket, and read. Or watch TV. Just remembered Scrubs is on!

Year 2/Day 34

Today was the first day of a three-day meeting. I didn't know most of the members of the team I'd been assigned to, and the project is three months long so I was understandably anxious. In these situations, you get what you get and you do the best you can. I'm grateful that my team seems pretty functional--and even fun. All signs point to our being able to do good work together.

Year 2/Day 33

The tree is down
The house is bare
The dog looks forlorn
My waist has a spare.

While I enjoyed the languid pace of our holidays, I'm grateful for our return to normalcy today. You can only be a slug for so long. . .

Year 2/Day 32

I don't think of myself as religious, but I love communion at our church. Sometimes we stay in the pews and pass the bread and wine to whomever we're sitting next to, saying, "The blood of Christ for you" and "The body of Christ for you." I like the intimacy of that way, although I have to work hard not to cry when saying the words to either of my children. Other times we all file down to the front of the sanctuary, where a minister or elder offers us communion. I like that way, too, because it's a vivid reminder that this is my community. These are my peeps.

Regardless of the format, the minister always leads up to communion by saying: The Lord be with you.

Then we say: And also with you.

Then he says: Lift up your hearts.

And we say: We lift them up to the Lord.

Him: Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God.

Us: It is good and right so to do.

Him: It is truly good and right that we should at all times and in all places give you thanks, O Lord, holy Father, almighty and everlasting God, through Jesus Christ, our Lord who promised that wherever two or three come together in his name, there he is with them to shepherd his flock till he comes again in glory. Therefore, with all the saints on earth and hosts of heaven, we praise your holy name and join their glorious song.

I love that part.

I'm grateful for my church community and for communion. Now excuse me while I revive my parents, both of whom probably just fainted.

Year 2/Day 31

For the first time in 16 days, I was home alone--for about an hour. I'm grateful for a few moments of solitude.

Year 2/Day 30

We went to K&D's for dinner, to see their major house renovation, and to play cards. Much hilarity ensued. At the height of it, K drew a picture (on a paper plate) of what she insisted was a cherub. To the rest of us, the "cherub" looked like a tick. More raucousness. I'm grateful for laughter, the kind that makes you happy you're precisely where you are. Meanwhile, M was with A and B. Uncle A trounced everyone at Horseopoly and beat M three times at checkers, but M reports there was much hilarity there, as well.

Year 2/Day 29

I'm grateful for new beginnings, and that I long ago gave up on New Year's resolutions. For me, it's all about baby steps and just moving in the right direction.