Day 143

I'm grateful Clark is healthy again--just in time to catch another snow day here. Between snow days and sick days, he hasn't had to go to school for five of the last eight days of school. As far as he's concerned, life is good.

Day 142

Mary Margaret, Running Scared is finished--my editor said it, so it must be true. To celebrate, Brad and I opened a bottle of Kistler chardonnay, which he gave me last year for Christmas and which I've been saving for a special occasion. Since then, several special occasions have come and gone, including my finishing a different book (but that one needed a revision, and so was less Kistler-worthy), and his Internet start-up first getting funded and then launching. But I never thought to chill the wine so we never drank it. The wine wasn't cold tonight, either, but then I decided "force chill" it in the freezer. Life is short; drink the best wine you have.

Day 141

Clark said he wasn't feeling great but he didn't have a fever and he wasn't throwing up, so I asked him to just try it. Who among us, facing work or school, feels great on a Monday morning? He made it through science and then called me. I'm grateful for flexible work that allowed me to pick him up at 9:30 0n a workday and it was no big deal.

Day 140, again

My previous Day 140 felt like cheating, so. . .

I'm reading Steven Pressfield's The War of Art, the principles of which are applicable not only to writers and artists but to anyone who feels they are called to a certain kind of work and are having trouble getting to that work. I'm thankful for these words:

"If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don't do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet.

You shame the angels who watch over you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It's a gift to the world and every being in it. Don't cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you've got."

Are you listening? Good. So am I.

136 - 140--falling behind!

136: Over a cup of coffee, Lorna and I compared notes on how it feels to get revision suggestions from an editor or agent. We each have our favorite analogies. Mine is the one Kate DiCamillo uses about baking and decorating a cake, only to have an editor say, "That's lovely. Now go back and add an egg." Hers is that it's like knitting a sweater and realizing that you've added a third sleeve and you have to unravel practically the entire sweater before you can even begin to fix the mistake. I'm grateful for Lorna and other working writers in my life. They remind me I'm neither crazy nor alone.

137: Another snow day--and this time the kids from the hood all got together and played outside almost all day, building a fort in the parking lot of a nearby church. I'm grateful my kids were entertained so I was free to put in some billable hours.

138: Occaisonally--who knows why--I get the idea in my head that I want to grow my hair out. This fantasy lasts exactly 11 weeks and three days, at which point I look in the mirror and say, "I can't stand my hair for one more second. I have to get a haircut TODAY or else!" I'm grateful Kelly had an opening and trimmed up my mop right nice, so I never had to see what I meant by "or else!"

139: Our neighborhood book club is still making our way through Simply Christian and last night we talked about the chapter on Israel. It was a two-lightbulb night for me, thanks to the discussion. 1) the Israelites were chosen as the people that God would work through, in a (frustrating, IHMO) pattern of exile and homecoming. 2) The understanding so many Christians have of heaven as completely separate from earth--a place to go after you die if you've lived a good life--is not the understanding Christians have always had, or necessarily what is meant in scripture. The healing and restoration of creation begins now. Heaven may not be the place we go, but the joy we experience when the work is complete. I know I've said it before, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to think through these things with others who are interested, open-minded, knowledgeable, and insightful. (Interested? No time to read the book? Listen to N.T. Wright talk about the book's concepts here: http://www.calvin.edu/january/2007/wright.htm)

140: I'm grateful to have had the time to bake multiple batches of "Daily Bread" today. Now I'm all caught up!

134, 135

134: There's a concert--as in rock band--that M. wants to go to. She's willing to use her own money to buy a ticket. I have another commitment that night, but Brad said he would take her and one or two of her friends to the concert, where there will be thousands of other screaming girls. I'm grateful he understood how badly she wanted this. For now, anyway, he is her hero. Or knight in shining armor. Or something like that.

135: Snow day! I'm grateful for snow--piles and piles of it, just the way I remember it when I was a kid, fluffy and blindingly white, and, now that the moon is out and it's 16 degrees, sparkling. I'm sure tomorrow morning, it will squeak under my boots. January. You gotta love it.

Day 132 and 133

133: All hockey all the time! That's the way it felt today, the final day of a weekend-long tournament. Clark's team finished second, which was the best the team has ever done. I'm grateful that the teams played clean hockey and no one got hurt.

132: While Clark and Brad were off at the hockey tournament, M. and I enjoyed a lovely girls' afternoon--picking up her room, going to the library, baking cookies, and just hanging out. I'm grateful we had some time to reconnect--and she never even asked if she could have a friend over. A rare afternoon, indeed.

Day 131

"What about your child are you most proud of?" I'm grateful for this question, which was at the bottom of the form I had to fill out at Clark's physical today. I pondered the possible answers. He's kind, loving, thoughtful, responsible, funny, articulate, intelligent, helpful, a willing and hard worker, interested in the world around him, honest, loyal. I pondered some more, and then wrote them all down until I ran out of space on the page.

Day 130

Madeline and Connor (a neighbor in the hood) stayed after school today for an extracurricular activity and I was on pick-up duty for both. When Madeline came out, though, she reported that Connor had told her he had a ride home. I tried to call Lynn to confirm, but no one was home, so I took Connor at his word. But because I had some books to donate to the school, a few minutes later I ended up back in front of the main building--where I saw Connor, who didn't have a ride after all. I'm grateful the errand kept me there for a few extra minutes.

Day 129

Even the best laid plans go awry, and today was proof. Brad checked with me last week about when would be a good time to take the van in for repairs, and I told him today because I don't have vanpool. So the van is in the shop. But something important came up wth my vanpool partner and she couldn't pick up my kids. I told Brad I could walk to school and walk the kids home (it's about a mile from our house) or--the simplest solution--he could leave work early, pick them up, and work from home the rest of the day and, what the heck, into the evening, too. I'm grateful he went for the simplest solution. The kids liked seeing him at that time of day, and I think it was fun for him because right after school is when they tend to talk most about their days. If you ask "what's new" at dinnertime, you get nothing.

Day 128

Our DSL connection wasn't working for some reason and so Brad disconnected the modem and router before he left for work. It was my job to reconnect everything after a few minutes. This in theory would reset the modem so all would be well. Except that all was not well, and I went the entire day without being connected. This made me slightly anxious, and I had to use some self-soothing techniques like deep breathing and eating chunks of dark chocolate. When Brad got home, he quickly saw the problem: the modem was unplugged. On one hand, this is embarrassing. On the other hand, I was expecting that the problem would take days to solve and involve long, frustrating calls to various help centers, so I'm grateful it was such an easy fix.

The "also" days: 125, 126, 127

127: I'm not used to country driving in the winter anymore and the roads out to M's riding lesson were slick. They were even worse on the way home, plus by that time it was dark. I'm grateful there were no cars behind me on the section of road that was the worst. I hate the added glare of the lights. Also? I'm grateful that M. is regaining her confidence on a horse.

126: It's true. M. and I skipped church and took in a matinee of Enchanted. I genuinely enjoy church (words I never thought I'd say), but I also like knowing that it's not the end of the world if I don't go. I'm grateful M. and I could have some fun girl bonding time at the movies. Also? I'm grateful for an evening with Jane Austen on PBS.

125: It took me three tries to get in to The Accidental, which Lynn claimed was the best book she read while away for the year in Scotland, but I've finally done it and I'm enjoying it. I'm thankful I gave the book another try. Also? This American Life #277, The Apology, is quite possibly the best show ever. (Although Clark is sure to disagree. He likes Life Aboard an Aircraft Carrier, which is also quite good. But not the best.)

Day 124

Some neighborhood friends and I drove to a local church to hear (via simulcast) Ishmael Beah speak as part of Calvin College's January Series. He was a boy soldier in Sierra Leone 15 years ago, an experience he wrote about in his incredible memoir, A Long Way Gone. There are so many things I took away from listening to him for an hour--the resilience of children; the strength of the human spirit; the great capacity for evil that lies deep within each of us, right along side the great capacity for kindness, compassion, and understanding; the overwhelming power of love to redeem and rehabilitate.

Beah spoke of the importance of writing and living with purpose. He reminded me that to whom much is given--in his case, life--much will be expected. What that means for him is that he relives his war experiences regularly by speaking to audiences in order to educate them about what war does--how it forces soldiers to dehumanize the enemy and, in the process, depletes their own humanity. That humanity can be recovered and Beah offers himself as proof. I'm grateful for Beah's willingness to share his story, and I'm grateful to Calvin for making it possible for us to hear it.

Day 123

It's only 9:15 in the morning, but I already know what I'm grateful for: Madeline threw up right before leaving for school. I'm so grateful that she got sick then, rather than a few minutes later in Deb's van, or 15 minutes later at school. Throwing up at school is hell when you're in middle school.

Day 122

Something up in a tree caught my eye this morning while Mary and I were out on our morning walk and I was intrigued enough to stop so I could get a better look. After a second, I decided it was only a very large leaf, the only one left clinging to the tree, and I was just getting ready to laugh at myself. Mary and I have "seen" some funny things on our walks in the past, including what we thought was an aardvark but turned out to be a beer carton. (Give us a break--it's dark in the morning when we walk.) But right then, the "leaf" turned its head. It was a small owl, and he apparently deemed us worthy to look at him for a full minute before he flew away. I'm grateful for this "nature moment." Even if it does make me miss the farm.

120 and 121

121: Just now someone asked me to work on the perfect corporate project. What makes a project perfect? 1. The person leading the effort is smart, reasonable, and gives clear direction. 2. It's a topic that interests me. 3. It's work that can be done largely independently, when and where I want. 4. It begins in the middle of winter, when there's nothing better to do. 5. It begins right after I've finished a draft of a novel and sent it to my editor.

Today's project is quite possibly the only perfect project I've ever worked on or will ever work on. So yeah, I'm grateful for it.

120: While I was sad to see vacation end, I am grateful to get back in the work groove, especially when I can ease back into it, which I did today. A little bit of paying work, a little bit of housework, a little bit of day dreaming, and a walk with the Bad Puppy. Oh, and another episode of The Office.

Day 119

It's the end of a long, leisurely time off for me and the kids, and I can feel the post-vacation slump coming on. I went looking for a diversion to hold the slump off just a little longer and found it at Netflix "watch it now" service, through which you can watch movies and network TV shows right on your computer on demand. I escaped into three episodes of my favorite TV show, The Office, back to back. I'm grateful for this service--anything to hold reality at bay--but. . .danger, danger.

Day 118

A few days ago, Mary, the young adult librarian at our public library, stopped me in the library (aka, "MacLean East") and told me that she had set aside a few new books for Clark, who loves action/adventure books--but only of a certain type (Anthony Horowitz). Skeptical but willing to give them a try, Clark, who never finishes a book he doesn't like unless it's for school) ended up finishing two out of three: Bunker 10, by J.A. Henderson, and Icecore, by Matt Whyman. I'm grateful to have a librarian who keeps an eye out for books my son might like. It's especially critical now because he's 14, which is the age boys typically give up reading fiction.

Day 117

At the big Kole family Christmas party a few weeks ago, my kids didn't have a chance to swim with my brother Andy's grandkids, whom they really like. I promised to try to arrange something for later in our holiday break. Thankfully, Andy was able to pull it off today (the last day of vacation) and help me make good on my promise. I'm grateful he went to the extra effort to make it happen. An added bonus: Mom made blueberry pancakes for all of us--thin, "the way the French make them," or so Mom always says.

Days 115 and 116

115: The sun was out today and Emma organized a neighborhood game of capture the flag in the snow. I'm grateful there was a compelling reason for my kids to stop playing on their Game Boys, PSPs, and Wiis, and get outside in the sunshine, if only for a little while.

116: Well, this came as a surprise: Madeline needs glasses! She complained once a while ago about her eyes, but I figured it was just. . .oh, I don't know, a developmental thing. Then a few weeks ago she said again, very nicely, "Mom, I really think I need to go to the eye doctor." So I made an appointment, thinking it was going to be nothing because none of us has ever needed glasses. Today we went and she bounded out after her eye test and said, "Do we want me to get contacts or glasses?" After I picked my jaw up off the floor (it dropped again when I experienced sticker shock), we spent the next half hour trying on frames. Madeline was a great sport about it, trying them all on and assessing whether or not they reflected her personality. In fact, I have never seen anyone quite so excited about being nearsighted! Anyway, I'm grateful that Madeline was gently persistent with me until I took her seriously.

Day 114: The New Year

It snowed heavily all day--lake effect, although I never can figure out why that matters; lake effect snow is just as problematic as any other kind of snow--and I'm grateful we didn't have to go out at all, grateful Michigan won for Lloyd Carr, and grateful our tree is down. 2008? Bring it on!

Day 113 (late)

After we went out to dinner just the two of us to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we picked up the kids and went to Billy's house in the 'hood for a little get-together. All the kids there were getting wild, as they often do when it's late at night and they've been fed a steady diet of sugar. It was snowing heavily and someone had the brilliant idea (for which I'm grateful) to go home and pick up snow gear for the kids so they could play outside--and the adults could bring in the new year in peace and quiet.